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| 5 weeks to micro, macro, 6 weeks to industry, banking. studied 17 yrs of school + uni for this exam to graduate from uni, get a job!
支持香港電影!! watched 神槍手, 證人, 保持通話, 畫皮 this week, although all dl ><".. personally recommend 保持通話 - gd thriller with some funny bits in between, afterall, its 古天樂 and there's 王祖藍 in one scene.. 畫皮 is actually a love story more than action i think, loads of special effects. 神槍手 only worth watching if u love edison. 證人 - felt like a very HK movie, the kids were chiu cute, lol.. now waiting to dl 金像獎..
i think i dun realise the importance of my dissertation, exams. past 2 weeks, i've only been hea-reading, notes, prolly learnt like less than 10% of what i need to know to get a 2.1, not to mention a 1st.. it seems embedded in all my friends' and relatives' head that i'll definitely do amazing.. no doubt i'll 盡力, but my 能力 is just limited.. not to mention all these hidden 壓力..
ai.. suen ba la.. i will add oil to myself..
peace.
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| back in HK for 3 weeks, nth special, none of friends in HK. only took mtr twice, left taikoo for 3/21 days. played ball for ~3hrs everyday that didn't rained, ankle + knee joints kinda hurting.
no gd movies on the plane, resorted to High School Musical 3, lol. i thought it was ok. back in Cam, dl HSM 1 and 2, no wonder it was so familiar - i watched the first one before, 3 yrs ago lu..
played some (free) bball!! court's quite gd, but its shrinked and "cage" style, o wells..
revise.. T^T".. yst, i woke up from a dream, but couldn't recall any of it, spent whole day daydreaming + attempting to recall - no hope.. hvn't had a dream in ages lu.. gd sleep..
today got dragged of bed to play outdoor bball. terrible experience..
now listening - 張敬軒 《感情．生活》
boring blog. waiting for ppl to come on msn. trying to stay awake..
peace.
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| 第三年 end of Lent.
-> Thu 5 Mar
this may actually be the last week of Cambridge lectures i will have in my life. 16yrs of studying from school to uni, finally coming to an end. just realised everything i might be doing now might be my last - going to lectures, supervision, bball sessions etc.
-> Mon 9 Mar
finally finished a first / rough draft of my dissertation. chiu happy.
chisoc formal = last one i will be going to (for life?!)..
-> Tue 10 Mar
counting down the days left. im so desperate to leave this place - i moved my air ticket from this sunday to saturday.
-> Wed 11 Mar
Today had my most likely final lecture of my life in Cam today. i remember when i was first yr, my first lecture was by this lecturer too.
-> Thu 12 Mar
Today had 2 last supervisions this term - one of them on my dissertation. 插死, two words - "no structure". grey jor. ai, 真係失敗. still got 6 weeks to fine tune it. feel so lost now.
終于 end of term. 對 coming end of may early june tripos 無信心. 要一 take 過, 感覺似在賭場, placing all ur chips in on one table, 將所有所學 compress 係幾分卷到.
其實最心酸係好久 hvn't talked to any close friends. missed 1st yr, use hp blow water, blow dou 4am still very energetic at 9am lecture. my hp bill this term isn't even 5 pounds - 安慰自己幫家人 save $$. 上個星期本來 go London meet up, end up working all weekend.. what am i doing....
peace.
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| today = very tired.
i'm very scared today too. for some reason, im scared i'll lose something, everything.
feel so weak, like im about to collapse in my room, about to fall off my bike when i cycle etc etc..
1.5 weeks to go..
peace.
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| 20 Feb:
- watched Red Cliff II.. r ppl really that smart?!!?!?!.. or im just stupid..
- it has been ages since i got free weekend text..
21 Feb:
- most hea-ed day i had in the past 2 weeks
- talked with a "stranger" (= friend dap friend) on msn today.. weird..
- laid in bed, but couldn't slp, can't stop thinking what regressors to use for my dissertation. utterly sad that time series, dummy variables, hetereoscedasticity and serial correlation tests were floating in my head..
22 Feb:
- woke up from a nice dream, which i knew is beyond my power to make it come true.. but nonetheless, i'll always hope it will.. it has also been a very long time since i had a dream..
- dissertation results is disasterous..
hvn't listened to music in a while.. 3 weekends today, i'll be in HK.. i need to leave this place..
peace.
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